The Right Room Won’t Just Accept You - It Will Elevate You

The Subtle Difference Between Being Included and Being Valued 

There’s a moment that happens in every career - when you realize there’s a big difference between being invited into a room and truly being seen in it. Inclusion might get you a seat at the table - but a seat at the table doesn’t always mean your voice will be heard, valued, or amplified. 

Being included is nice - it’s a great and needed starting point. But being valued changes everything. Because the right people don’t just make space for you - they ask for your input, challenge your thinking, and push you to grow. They seek your opinion even when you’re not in the room. 

I’ve sat in rooms where I felt invisible, where my ideas landed with silence. And I’ve sat in rooms where people didn’t just listen - they elevated. They offered feedback that made me sharper. They clapped for my wins like they were their own - and some even brought them to light in the first place. Because that’s what champions do. 

When They Call You ‘Demanding’ 

In my last blog, Finding Power in Owning Your Voice, I shared how someone once told me - “and don’t take it the wrong way” - that I was one of their most demanding customers. Back then, I learned to wear that label with pride. Since then, I’ve learned something else: the right rooms don’t just tolerate strong voices - they welcome them. 

Being called demanding doesn’t bother me anymore, because I’ve realized that being demanding and being invested often look the same from the outside. The difference is in intention. I push for clarity, for excellence, for progress - not to prove a point, but to make things better for everyone in the room. 

The right people see that. They don’t shrink away from high standards - they rise with you. 

Finding Rooms That Stretch You - And Creating Rooms That Stretch Others 

The best rooms I’ve been in - whether it’s a channel enablement meeting, a strategy session, or a coffee chat with brilliant women in security and tech - have one thing in common: they challenge me. 

They don’t just nod along; they ask why. They make me rethink, refine, and reach further. These are the spaces that light you up - the ones that don’t drain your energy but multiply it. 

As a leader, I try to create that same kind of room for others. I encourage my team - and anyone I work with - to challenge me. They were hired for a reason. They bring ideas, experience, and perspectives that only make the process and the outcome stronger. When people feel safe enough to question and contribute, that’s when real growth happens. 

That’s also why I pour so much of myself into ERGs for women in technology. Those spaces remind me that growth happens when we lift each other up, when we make room for new voices, and when we create circles that feed confidence instead of ego.
 

If You Haven’t Found That Room Yet 

Don’t settle. Keep walking until you find the people who both celebrate you and challenge you. The ones who see your potential - even before you do. 

And if you can’t find that room? Build it. Start with a conversation, an invite, and a safe space. Sometimes, creating the room you need is the most powerful act of leadership there is. 

Your Turn 

Think about the rooms you’re in today - do they stretch you, or do they shrink you? 
If it’s the latter, maybe it’s time to find a new table. 

Because the right room won’t just accept you. 
It will elevate you.