Blog: Putting on My Poker Face
By Carolyn Herr, VP Channel Communities, The Channel Company
Apparently, I’ve got one of the world’s worst poker faces. Play a game of Texas Hold ‘Em with me and you're nearly guaranteed to head home a little richer. It seems my face tells a story. Confused squints, enthusiastic smiles, and the classic head tilt to the right when I'm trying to decipher if someone is being fully honest with me. I’ve always thought this was a good thing. Hey, people know where they stand when talking with me! Nobody has to worry that I’m secretly planning a coup, while politely nodding and half-smiling. Yet several well-meaning bosses and colleagues, have told me I should dial down the facial storytelling.
Are they right? Is my lack of a poker face truly a bad thing?
Sure, there are situations, like high-stakes negotiations or sensitive personnel meetings where a more neutral face is appropriate - I understand that. Yet, threading the needle between being truly authentic and mastering the art of the poker face can be challenging for me – as stoic is not my default setting. Here are some of the things I’ve been working on, in an attempt to build this muscle:
- The first step is self-awareness. With so many of our video calls being recorded, I've found the first thing I need to do is see what others are seeing. I’ve been trying to view some of my meeting recordings, watching my own face to see exactly what I’m revealing when others are talking. I know most of us don’t like to see ourselves on camera – but this is an extremely worthwhile exercise!
- Breathing – taking long deep breaths, helps me to steady myself and be more composed.
- Slow down my words – Forcing myself to speak slowly and a little softer helps me to regulate my responses and my emotions.
- Relaxing my face – A yoga instructor once said this, and I was immediately floored to realize that I was carrying a ton of unrecognized tension in my face. Since then, I’ve been going through a little checklist in my head – relax my eyes, loosen my jaw, slightly open my mouth. It helps re-set my face to neutral.
Like most things in life, it's about striking a balance. Authenticity is vital, but so is the ability to keep a straight face when the situation demands it. So, fellow face-readers and poker face enthusiasts, let's embrace the duality. Know when to let your expressions flow naturally and, equally, when to present a blank slate. And yes, I’m holding a pair of Aces – how did you know?