Still Me, Just Rewired: Honest Thoughts on Motherhood and Mental Load
By Alanna April, WOTC Program Manager, The Channel Company
You know how people always say that as you get older, you change? You evolve, you adjust, you hit different stages and just… figure things out. And honestly, for most of my life, that felt pretty true. Going from high school to college — that freedom from the rules at home. Then from college to your first real job, suddenly dealing with bills and responsibilities but also feeling so grown up. And of course the usual big life transitions: promotions, breakups, meeting your partner, losing people you love.
None of it is easy, but at least it’s familiar. You see other people going through the same things, so you kind of know what to expect.
And then there’s becoming a mom.
That one? I was not prepared for.
“Mom Brain”… yeah, I thought I understood it too.
I’d heard the term a million times, usually as a joke. I just assumed it meant you get forgetful because you’ve got a lot going on. No big deal, right?
But when it happened to me, it hit so differently.
Suddenly I was confused more often than I wanted to admit. I had to write everything down because my brain wouldn't hold onto information the way it used to. I’d walk into a room and forget why I was there, or forget what I was about to do, and I honestly thought something was wrong with me.
Then I started reading and realized:
Oh… this is actually a thing.
Your brain literally changes postpartum. It's like it reorganizes itself to make you more sensitive to emotional cues and potential threats — basically to protect your baby.
So while I thought I was falling apart, I was actually just becoming a mom in the most literal, biological way.
And then there’s the mental load — the part no one talks about enough.
You know me — I’m Type A, I like things organized, I like knowing what’s coming next. But after my daughter was born, even that part of me felt scrambled. I thought the fog would lift. Instead, it just… shifted into something else.
The mental load is real.
It’s that constant background checklist running through your head:
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What needs to get done right now?
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What will I need to do later?
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What decisions are going to affect her future?
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What am I forgetting?
It’s like your brain never, ever shuts off.
And suddenly you’re responsible for this tiny, vulnerable human, and somehow that makes you feel more vulnerable too. There are days I struggle to just be present because my brain is already three steps ahead, planning for things that probably don’t need to be planned yet. That “be perfect, make the right choice, do it all” voice gets loud.
I’m starting to learn that it’s okay — and honestly necessary — to let some things go.
The perfect parent doesn’t exist.
The “right” choice is just the choice you made out of love.
And doing everything yourself? Completely impossible.
What helped the most was realizing I wasn’t alone.
I joined a mom group, and we all started sharing our stories. And even though our situations are different, so many of the feelings are the same. It was such a relief to hear other moms say they felt scattered, overwhelmed, or worried they were “losing it.”
Talking about the mental load made it feel lighter.
And hearing others say “hey, that laundry can wait” or “takeout counts as providing” or “don’t compare your parenting to the internet” — that was huge for me.
Parenting is an emotional rollercoaster, but it feels a lot less terrifying when you realize you’re not riding it alone.
And honestly? I look in the mirror now with so much more compassion.
Every morning, I see someone who has changed — in big and small ways.
But I haven’t disappeared.
I’ve evolved.
I’ve adapted.
I loved my life before.
And I love the one I have now.
Motherhood didn’t erase who I was — it just added layers. Some are messy, some are beautiful, some are hard. But all of them matter.
And honestly?
I wouldn’t trade this version of me for anything.
Bio: Alanna April is a seasoned event and marketing professional with more than a decade of experience creating standout campaigns and delivering engaging, well‑executed events. She blends strategy, creativity, and collaboration to build meaningful experiences that connect audiences and strengthen brand presence. She resides in New Hampshire with her husband and daughter, and loves staying active year‑round — whether she’s hiking, running, or diving into new craft projects.